You know I love a good mantra – words I can repeat to myself, blog about, or doodle in the margins when I need help getting through something. It’s the reason I try to choose a “word” for the year or scroll through countless posts on Pinterest, saving pins I think might help me see a negative situation in a new light. It’s why I bought this t-shirt (pictured), something one of the hosts on the podcast My Favorite Murder says when her co-host is in the middle of recapping an unsolved murder.
During the pandemic, someone noted how this quip can be applied to more than just terrible, heart-wrenching stories. I agreed. And don’t we all want to wear our life on a t-shirt?
This summer, my therapist introduced me to the phrase “embrace the suck,” military jargon that means “to consciously accept or appreciate something that is extremely unpleasant but unavoidable.” (In other words, my life for the last four years.) I’ve railed against the suck. I’ve bemoaned the suck. I’ve medicated and accepted and stared directly into the eyes of the suck. Now, apparently, it’s time to embrace it.
I’m struggling with how exactly I’m supposed to do that. I mean, isn’t it enough to get through it? Do I actually have to wrap my arms around it and pull it closer to me? Meanwhile, the universe is trying its best to be helpful by giving me more things that suck. You know, so I can practice. (sigh)
And then I see the suck happening in lives around me and I’m tempted to compare and discount my own trauma, because so many others have it so much worse than I do. That’s one of the primary reasons all of my jobs – from waitressing to ministry – have been in a “serving” profession. Focusing on what others need, instead of myself, is how I’ve always handled the suck. And that worked for a really long time. Until it didn’t.
So here we sit, the suck and I, getting to know one another, knowing we need to embrace but begrudging it just the same.
And, as I wrestle with this military jargon and what it means, I’m realizing the military offers a lot of what I miss most about being married – camaraderie, shared experiences, and knowing you’re not the only person going through something. I can absolutely see why “embrace the suck” is comforting to military men and women. Maybe sharing it is what makes the suck embraceable?
We use that phrase in the hiking world, too, especially in long-distance hiking, for the same reasons. The trail is long, harsh, but also challenging and beautiful, and you gotta go through the grueling climbs to reach the majestic overlooks, and I’m sure the metaphor is there, but just know it’s not just the military, but also outdoors enthusiasts who are embracing the suck in order to get through their journeys.
Daniel, there’s still enough of the old Leah in me to deeply appreciate your comparison. I miss a life where the grueling was rewarded with the majestic! What makes the military feel like a closer comparison for me is that I imagine there aren’t beautiful vistas waiting for them, either, just more hiking.
I see you.
Thanks Sharon!