The other day I was blessed with the chance to talk face-to-face with a friend I don’t see very often. We cross paths on social media and exchange emails now and then, but real time visits are rare. During our chat she said, “You know, I like weeding, too,” (a reference to my last blog post). She went on to describe her bare-handed approach – “it’s the only way I can really grab them” – and we echoed one another about it being one of the best therapies in the world. Then I deftly changed the subject.
Why did I do that?
I write all of this so I can be known more deeply, putting in print what’s hard to weave into casual conversation. I love seeing beneath another person’s layers and want, more than anything else, to be truly seen and understood. But anytime someone references my blog, I react like I’ve been caught changing clothes with my curtains open.
Scrolling through my phone, I noticed I do something similar when I’m taking full body selfies. I strategically place the camera in front of my face, trying to hide within my own picture.
Why is being vulnerable so hard? Why didn’t I thank my friend for taking the time to read my missives and use that opportunity to share what I was really trying to rid myself of, beyond the weeds? Why don’t I smile for the camera, be proud of my face and not worry so much about my appearance? Why do I think this post is both too much and not enough?
I have no answers today, only questions and personal ponderings, but I’m putting this out there as part of my practice of being more vulnerable. I hope you’ll join me.
Vulnerability: not something we humans like, and we (mostly) practice it as rarely as possible. I feel that’s one reason your writing is so valuable, Leah, at least for your readers—and I hope it is (or becomes so) for you. You use words to create mind images that evoke feelings and responses, and you wield those words with such skill, flair, and most always…vulnerability. What I see as the most valuable element in this particular piece, along with the sheer content of it, is that you are RECOGNIZING your reaction and not disowning it (at least not completely!). This self-discovery, and the willingness to share it, look to me like someone who is coming into her own as she is living her life right here and now. Very valuable vulnerability, in my view.