Last night I lit the first fire of the season in my crusty, old fireplace. It wasn’t that cold, but driving home in the rain and the end of Daylight Saving Time made me long for extra light more than usual. I added a mini-binge of Ted Lasso to my evening – a character with plenty of reasons to be sad, but who is determined to look on the bright side – and that helped as much as the fire.
“I am out with lanterns looking for myself” was something Emily Dickinson wrote to a friend, trying to describe how it felt for her, a homebody, to move into a new house. I think of that phrase often, when I’m struggling to feel at home, either in my actual home or just in my skin. The search for my true/new self is an uncomfortable journey, not unlike stumbling through a dark house in the middle of the night. But at least I have a home to stumble through and I’m adding/finding new sources of light, so this wandering won’t last forever.
Last week, I had my annual “Is it worth it?” conversation with myself, as I paid another year’s hosting fees for this website. And, just like every other year, all it took was skimming old posts for me to decide yes, it is. So much of my life is documented here, each post a mini lantern.
I started blogging in 2012, making next year my tenth anniversary. Ten years is traditionally celebrated with tin or aluminum, symbolizing durability, strength and resilience (or at least a likelihood not to rust). I am convinced the ability to share this side of myself has contributed to my resilience and, I hope, occasionally gifted someone else with strength when they needed it.
So, while I’m working toward earning my tin, please remind me: the more I write, the more lanterns I will have.
Please continue your blog, and lighting those lanterns!
Thanks for taking the time to send this message of encouragement!
Dearest Leah: I think you have no clue how many lanterns you light–and keep burning–for others. Today’s post is just one of your lanterns in my life, as I received news of an immediate family’s members continuing struggles with mental health issues. No matter what the topic, Leah, your writing in itself brings a lift to my heart and peace and joy to my brain, just because you write SO WELL. And that in itself is such a gift to the world. So, yes, please: keep going for that tin. You never know what might turn up. In this season of explicit gratitude, you AND your writing are reasons to say wholeheartedly, “Thanks be to God.”
Knowing I’m not the only one struggling with darkness is always helpful. I feel spoiled that my self-care is, in a way, offering care for others. Thank you for affirming that!
An outlet is important, and I read them!
Kent, I love knowing you read what I write. So grateful we’re still connected!
I have missed your voice. Thanks for lighting a path today.
Great content! Keep up the good work!
Shared this post to my Facebook page today. Thank you!
Keep your lantern lit, my friend. I appreciated your take on ED’s quote ✨🤍