“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” (from Way of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman)

Major repairs began on my home this week. For 20 years, I stood in this space, with no idea how weak the floor was beneath me. Oh, I knew it wasn’t solid, but it seemed solid enough. Except it wasn’t. It was held in place with bits of miscellany (would you believe wedged in 2x4s and car jacks?), none of it well thought out or intended for longevity, not unlike a few people I entrusted to hold important parts of me – people who seemed “solid enough,” but who were not built to last.

I know this is just the beginning of the hard work, but it feels good to focus on building something new instead of avoiding, excusing, and fearing something old. I’m done tiptoeing around my house and my life, afraid I’m too much for whatever or whomever is trying to support me. I know I’m a lot, but clearly I’m willing to work on myself – even ripping out everything I know and love, if that’s what it takes to ensure there is a strong foundation on which to build.

So, while my literal and metaphorical foundations were shaken to their core in the last month, here is what I’ve learned.

A safe place to live is priceless. Both of my homes – the one where my body lives and the one where my spirit resides – have felt broken and unsafe for far too long. Ignoring the problems changed nothing and only made some things worse.

I can do hard things, with help. From contractors to my parents to some incredibly generous friends, I’ve had more than one reminder that it’s important to receive as generously as I give.

Life happens in the transitions. After a month filled with hard moment after hard moment, I realized I have to quit waiting for the lifequakes to stop before I start living again. Life keeps happening whether there’s a floor beneath my feet or not.