I know myself very well. Although I didn’t know exactly what recovering from surgery would be like, I knew I’d need options for passing the time – activities that felt productive at a time when I would be discouraged from doing much of anything. I settled on a cottage-of-the-month cross-stitch project – something new for the seasonal decor in my living room.

I’m done with June and have just a bit left to do on July, and I’m already restless.

Healing is hard. Especially the kind you cannot see. On the whole, I’m feeling better, but I’m not myself and I’m starting to understand why some women need four to six weeks off from work after a hysterectomy. I won’t begin to elaborate on the physical details (yes, there are some things I won’t write about) but I will tell you how much this process reminds me of the first few months of pregnancy. I’m aware that my body is at work – even as I sit here with my feet propped up – and the energy I’m expending on this unseen labor is remarkable.

There’s little I can do to rush this process along – much to my dismay – but I’ve been playing a game with myself, trying to come up with little things to support my body’s efforts, tiny tasks that might manifest a slightly faster recovery. For example, when I’m feeling useless and tempted to tackle a household chore I step outside and take several deep breaths while I soak up a little sunshine. Or when I start judging myself for sitting down (again), I grab a piece of fruit to snack on while I sit, imagining my body using that fuel to knit itself together. And in my most fidgety moments, I walk through my home like it’s a museum, admiring photos and artwork I usually blow right past because I’m so used to seeing them.

I’ve consumed an obscene amount of television, read more than I have all year, and napped like it’s my job, all while trying not to wish this time away. What’s the saying? Happiness is wanting what you have, not having what you want. Well, I have time – lots and lots of time. Lucky me! (and I mean that.)