I am drawn to bloggers who share their ongoing struggle with depression – who’ve found a way to manage it, but acknowledge that the disease is never cured, only maintained. Their stories give me insight into what my husband is going through (and I can never have enough resources for that) and make me more patient with myself, considering my own demons are only kept at bay by prescriptions and distractions.
One of my earliest ideas for a blog post was to write an open letter to the spouses of these bloggers – a letter thanking them for sharing their lives with us and asking the who, what, why, when, and where of how they get through every day. I know nothing about these people, other than the context I glean from their spouses’ blog posts, but I hold them on pedestals, impressed by the simple fact that they’ve stuck it out. They make me want to try harder and remind me how important it is to have someone who supports the good, the bad, and the crazy. I often wish they’d take a turn at the keyboard and write a blog post. They must have secrets to share or wisdom to impart or at least awesome stories of their own.
Last week I learned that one of these couples is getting divorced. I sighed out loud when I read it – so loudly that my husband looked over at me and asked what was wrong. He and I are well aware of our underdog status in the world of marital statistics. I’m not the first Mrs. Bradley (strike one). We have a child on the Autism spectrum (strike two). Both of us battle depression (…and thanks for playing).
Please don’t hear me saying I’m worried. I’m really not. I am aware – perhaps hyper-aware these days – and any time I hear that a marriage I admired has ended it takes my awareness up a notch. The glass-is-half-full gal in me rereads that last sentence and says “And that’s a good thing!” Many relationships fail because people aren’t aware of how good they have it or how bad it’s gotten … until it’s too late. Of course, just as many fail for no good reason at all.
So, where am I going with this? Nowhere, I suppose. It’s just that you’ve become such a good listener I felt like sharing.