Enough for Now

20130403_021149-001Today was a good day. It included blue skies and lots of sunshine, glimpses of my boys curled up with blankets and books in their tree house, homemade chocolate chip cookies, and an evening spent laughing and catching up with former coworkers. Today yielded no new job leads and no greater insight into what’s next for me career-wise, but it was enough.

Okay, I did allow some doubts and fears get the better of me for a while. Driving home from my evening with friends, I thought about how much I missed seeing them and how losing my job meant losing so much more than a paycheck. Seeing them also reminded me of the work that I loved and am no longer doing, and how much I miss that sense of call. Updating them on my job search reminded me how bleak my prospects look right now and how much my family is relying on me to find a new job. So, I let those thoughts gnaw at my gut for a while, but not for long, because today was a good day. My heart is full and my soul is fed.

All of this glass-is-more-than-half-full thinking comes from my new manna mantra. Manna is my way of saying I am focusing on what I have, right now – not thinking about what I had yesterday or what I won’t have tomorrow. Manna is enough for now; never more than we need and never less. It’s what I say to myself when I’m staring into our pantry and tempted to count out how many meals I can make based on what’s there. It’s my breath prayer when I’m paying bills. It’s what I want to pass on to my children, so they learn the true meaning of enough.

I long for a life where contentment isn’t something that comes with retirement, but comes at the end of each day, measured by full bellies, warm beds, and a spouse and children who know they are loved. That’s a full day’s work and no easy feat. That’s a good day and that’s enough for now.

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